Refocus Socially

A #RefocusRecap on the two most important components that make up our social well being: communication & relationships (that is, romantic, friendship/platonic, and the most important one, the relationship we have with ourselves).

- COMMUNICATION -

Most of us have heard adages about why communication is important to social wellbeing. But is communication a skill that we actively try to strengthen or a part of interacting with others that we just do whenever we need to. If it is a skill that we’re trying to strengthen, there are 2 fundamental things that we need to consider when we’re in the midst of any communicative interplay. The first stems Plato’s confession that he knew that he knew nothing. In other words, no matter how much we know or will eventually learn, we will never know absolutely everything. Thus, we’re always working off of assumptions that we’ve made. The second fundamental notion that we must keep in mind is the fact that most, if not all, of us, just want to feel validated. We want to be understood and we usually welcome sympathy.

- RELATIONSHIPS -

1. Romantic: When it comes to each relationship, let’s take a moment to discuss a few points.

#1 The person you are with doesn’t “complete you,” they compliment you. TV shows, movies, the media paint an image of love that says happiness doesn’t require effort. That love is easy, it isn’t compromised. Love is phrases like “I am nothing without you.” I’m sorry, Yes you are. You are A LOT, with or without a romantic other.

#2 Fall in love with a person for who they are, not what they could be. Let the red flags awaken you from your fantasy because another person’s potential could be your expectation and YOUR goal or desires, not theirs. There is no “These are things I put up with for love!” What you ignore and what you allow in your romantic relationship will create the surface that you stand and walk on. So choose wisely, choose for yourself.

2. Friendship/Platonic

#1 The idea that your friends will always be on your side. If you’re thinking that a friend is supposed to never say anything to hurt you, then the power of friendship is going to waste. For me, being upfront and honest with those I care about the most is imperative. A true friend is someone who wants to help you thrive, and wants to be there to witness it.

#2 The importance of big clean-ups every now and then. Every relationship that is not moving you towards purpose is weighing you down. You are not a storage bin, everything in your life takes up space and let me tell you, not everyone should be your friend. Be picky, having one friend that adds value to your life is worth more than 10 that don’t. 

3. The Relationship with ourselves

#1 You are the only person who can make yourself happy. In her book, Emotional Detox, Sherianna Boyle states that “When we overfocus on others to provide us content, we disconnect from our ability to produce joy. We disconnect from our source of happiness, which is ourselves.”

#2 Our society inclines us to disregard the importance of self-reflection. I’m here to tell you that to know yourself, you must spend enough time by yourself to know when something bothers or upsets you. You must be confident in who you are before you can add value to your life through other types of relationships

Christina & Bárbara